25 Things All Durham Students Know To Be True

1. SO MANY POTATOES! Potatoes make up at least 80% of your calorie intake in first year.


2. And not just in the form of roast potatoes or chips, they come in all shapes and sizes. Round, square or curly, any shape the catering staff can think of – you’ve eaten.

3. AND THEY’RE ALL FRIED. Glistening in grease and all you can eat, these packets of goodness will make you never want to see a fried potato again.

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4. Although of course this doesn’t apply to Jo-Bo students, but in that case who even are you?

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5. The Billy B is the most secure place on campus. You’re not sneaking a hot drink in, nor an unchecked book out, without practically being strip-searched.

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6. Despite knowing this you still try and drink coffee and eat your lunch on the 2nd floor, inevitably getting caught by an angry librarian.

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7. But only because they have like 15 seats to eat at in the WHOLE library. They had it coming to them.

8. The tap water just isn’t right, whether it’s from your sink in college or your house in the viaduct, there’s something not quite right about it.

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9. There are three types of people at Durham Uni: those who go Loveshack, those who go Lloyds, and those who don’t play sports.

10. And your allegiance to these groups is as dividing as the ‘Team Jacob vs Team Edward’ fiasco. If you’re Team Loveshack you’ve been almost every Wednesday since Freshers’, and you wouldn’t dare go to Lloyds, in fact you’d rather stay in. I mean, it is a ‘spoons after all.

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11. Students from Queen’s Campus are to be treated suspiciously. Who would ever, willingly decide to go there?

12. Everybody hates Hatfield.

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13. And this is fair enough. Why do they all wear brogues, red chinos and purple blazers?

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14. Although if you had to choose between Hatfield and Trevs, Hatfield would always win.

15. And the hexagons? really? We’ve all thought we could do a better job.

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16. And whether you like it or not you will get judged for your college, and this judgement will be based largely on your college bar.

17. Talking about rowing is not cool. We all know it happens, we all know you do it, but we certainly do not need to hear about it.

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18. Klute is either the best club in the world, or the worst club in the world, depending on where you stand.

19. But everyone can agree it’s dangerously cheap.

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20. As are Johnny Woodgates, and they’re also absolutely vile, but necking one before you leave Jimmy’s is almost a ritual.

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21. You tell your family about ‘formals’ and ‘balls’ to make your Uni experience sound sophisticated, but in reality they largely resemble getting too drunk and ordering Urban Oven to college.

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22. ‘Oh you have to buy tickets in advance for this event. That’s really helpful and must make it a good night’. Said no one ever. This is Durham, there are 3 clubs, tickets are not necessary.

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23. You see a wild night as anything ending after 2 am. Although normally you won’t last this long as Wok Next beckons you at half one.

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24. You can’t go anywhere without seeing at least one person you know, and although this is one of the best things about Durham sometimes you get your phone out and pretend you didn’t see them. This is fine though because it’s probably mutual.

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25. But of course – Durham is an incredible city, with incredible people and you wouldn’t change it for the world.

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