You’re supposed to learn stuff at university. It’s the whole point.
But if you’re a student, you’ll know that the most important lessons you learn at uni don’t come from a textbook or a lecture or even Wikipedia. No, no, no. The most valuable lessons go a little something like this:
1. You’re basically paying £9,000 a year so that a person in a suit can read slides out loud to you.
2. “This book is required” – This is the greatest lie ever told.
3. It is possible to go out with £20, get blind drunk and wake up the next morning with £18 in your pocket.
4. You should not question it when the above happens.
5. Toilet roll is as precious as gold.
6. Getting 40% in an assignment can feel as good as getting 100%.
7. You’re not as good at your chosen subject as you thought you were.
8. Only dicks turn their noses up at the reduced section in Tesco.
9. Never turn down free food.
10. Or free drinks. Or free anything.
11. The people you first make friends with during Freshers Week will turn out to be weirdos and you probably won’t talk to them after October.
12. There are a lot of weirdos out there.
13. Group work was created by the devil himself, as a punishment for every bad thing, youve ever done in your life.
14. You can teach yourself an entire year’s syllabus in one week.
15. Procrastination is a skill. You should have done a degree in it.
16. You will never actually know how to reference. There’s no point even trying to learn.
17. Saying ‘fuck it’ does not make things better. It will in fact make your life infinitely worse.
18. You can make a meal out of anything.
19. This is the ultimate time-saver before a night out.
20. Shots only ever lead to nudity. Or vomiting.
21. Smileys and fish fingers = a well-balanced diet.
22. You arrive with a full set of cutlery and leave with one single spoon.
23. You will genuinely consider becoming a stripper as a career path, at least once.
24. You will see people in your exams that you never once saw in your lectures.
25. People that can make their student loans last are liars.
26. 9 am lectures. Lol. Funny.
27. An iron is a totally unnecessary item.
28. Reading week should be renamed “watching Netflix in pyjamas week.”
29. You will never feel like you have your shit together.
30. And finally… My Baggage will make your life one billion times easier.
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