Living in university halls really is a once in a lifetime experience…
It’s your first taste of freedom – your first time living away from home and probably the only time in your life that you’ll be sharing living space with a couple of hundred horny, hormonal and party-hungry people who want to have as much fun as possible.
For the majority of people, living in student halls is daunting, to begin with, but it usually turns out to be the absolute highlight of your time at university. So, with that in mind, we’ve decided to make a list of things that are guaranteed to happen when you live in student halls.
1. For the first few days, you’ll spend a lot of time alone in your room worrying that you’re going to be a friendless hermit for the entire year.
2. So you decide to make conversation with the people you share a kitchen/bathroom with, in the hope that you will immediately hit it off and be BFFs.
3. But they turn out to be strange individuals, who you avoid spending any time with whatsoever.
4. If you share a kitchen, your food will mysteriously go missing. The amount of milk in your carton will magically shrink and slices of bread will just vanish into thin air. (*spoiler – people are stealing your food.)
5. It will drive you nuts and you will become more passive-aggressive than you thought possible.
6. The fire alarm will go off at four o’clock in the morning when you’re not dressed and still slightly drunk from the night before. You’ll stand outside waiting on the fire brigade for an hour and you’ll be angry that there wasn’t actually a fire. You’ll be so consumed with rage that you’ll consider burning the place to the ground yourself.
7. Even though you will be super careful to avoid it, you WILL lock yourself out of your room. And you will feel like a twat.
8. No one will do their share of work and the kitchen will turn into a bombsite. And everyone will be too stubborn/lazy to do anything about it.
9. The same thing will happen with dishes until the situation just descends into chaos.
10. You will discover how precious toilet paper is.
11. Same goes for washing powder. So you will try to get as many wears out of your clothes before you absolutely HAVE to wash them.
12. You will not bring a clothes horse and you’ll be too broke to buy one and your room will look like this.
13. You will consume so much alcohol that the empty bottles do not fit into your bin. So instead you use them to decorate your room. Obviously.
14. If you have cleaners, they will call at your room at the most inconvenient times.
15. The best parties will take place in your halls common room.
16. Someone will vomit in the common room and everyone will spend the rest of the year avoiding that exact spot.
17. After discovering that you’re free to eat whatever you want, your diet will become like that of a toddler, let loose at a birthday party.
18. You’ll get so excited when you get post.
19. If your parents are kind enough to send you a care package, your friends will descend upon your room like vultures and they will try to steal the delicious food.
20. You’ll discover that the walls are paper-thin and the noise of people partying and having ‘intimate time’ might drive you daft. You’ll feel like you are literally in the room with them.
21. Your kitchen will be shabby, appliances will be on their last legs and some may break.
22. You will stash biscuits and sweets under your bed.
23. You will make pancakes on Pancake Day as a group, but you will burn them and they’ll taste like crap, so you will instead use the holiday as an excuse to drink.
24. You’ll spend entire days in bed watching a whole TV series and even though you feel guilty about the fact that you have a sh*t ton of work to do, you’re also kinda secretly proud of yourself.
25. Your bed will be so small and uncomfortable and yet somehow, you will manage to share it with someone.
26. You will make your very best friends in halls. And they will be your bessie mates for life because they have seen you in your most insane moments and didn’t run away screaming.
27. There will be that one friend whose room you ALWAYS have pre drinks in.
28. Even though you are a stone’s throw away from university, the thought of getting out bed and going the whole way to class will still seem too difficult to endure.
29. You’ll miss your room so much when you go home for the holidays.
30. You’ll have a meltdown when you try to pack your things at the end of the year because you stupidly threw out all your boxes.
31. You will stain or damage your room in some way and fear that you won’t get your deposit back.
32. If you have a sink in your room, you will be too lazy to venture to the bathroom in the middle of the night, so you will pee in the sink. (This usually only applies to the men, but ladies – we don’t judge.)