Off to study in Edinburgh University this September?
Eugh, good luck. That place is the worst. Prepare to have your life completely ruined. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
24 reasons why Edinburgh uni is just the WORST.
1. The buildings look like Hogwarts and it will make you sad that you’re not a wizard. Especially Old College and Pollock Halls.
2. You will be too lazy to visit Arthurs Seat and you’ll feel really guilty about it.
3. You complain about the Lothian buses but when you leave you realise that they are superior to all other local bus services. And you will miss those weird wee tartan seats.
4. When you leave you miss the strange malty smell of hops that’s in the Edinburgh air.
5. There are too many bars and clubs and you will never actually manage to visit them all.
6. You will end up in Hive every single time you go out. Hive ’til five for life.
7. Or Whynot.
8. It has a baked potato shop. It’s so quaint, it physically pains you.
9. The Christmas market is just too ridiculously magical, which sets you up for major disappointment during every other Christmas you have which is not spent in Edinburgh.
10. There are too many shops on Princes Street and you will spend your entire student loan in one afternoon.
11. You will get death stares if you utter the phrase “WTF is Hogmanay?”
12. Your friends are only interested in coming to visit during the Fringe. Which happens in the summer. When you’ve gone home.
13. You feel like a ridiculous tourist when you visit the Royal Mile because it’s so pretty and you will want to Instagram and Snapchat everything.
14. There are too many interesting side streets and you get lost all the time.
15. Mimi’s Bakery will make you gain weight because it’s simply too hard to resist.
16. The Gothic Rocket kind of scares you.
17. When you leave the city you will expect a Ceilidh at every celebration you attend in your life and you’ll be disappointed when it doesn’t happen.
18. You return home with a ridiculous accent and a whole new Scottish vocabulary that your friends and family will not understand.
19. When you try to use Scottish banknotes in the rest of the UK, shopkeepers will look at you like you have handed them Monopoly money and it will infuriate you.
20. You will be desperate to graduate and get a good job so that you have enough money to have lunch in all the pretty cafes that all the rich Edinburgh folk frequent.
21. The cold is so piercing that your body temperature never properly recovers.
22. Girls in heels will fear for their ankles on a night out around the Grassmarket. Because cobbles. Everywhere.
23. You will spend all of first year fantasizing about living in a gorgeous town house in Marchmont until you have to start house hunting for second year and realise that you can’t afford anything but a 3×3 room, five million miles from the city centre.
24. The library is home to a Library Cat. (A LIBRARY CAT!) Meaning that you can never get any work done because you spend the whole time trying to find him, hoping that he’ll want to play with you. Which he doesn’t because he’s a Library Cat and he’s too cool for you.
JK. Love you really, Edinburgh.