Yes, technically Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom…
But culturally, we’re wile different to our English, Scottish and Welsh counterparts. It’s not until you go to uni across the water than you realise just how strange Norn Iron is and how many stressful situations this can land us in.
1. They make us say things because it sounds funny.
2. They are disgusted when we explain the Northern Irish culinary concept of a crisp sammich.
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3. But when our mummies send us care packages from home THEY EAT ALL OUR BLOODY TAYTO. Pure ragin.
4. Words that you thought were simple to understand, can cause immense confusion. Say ‘mirror’ to a Londoner and see what happens.
5. Having to explain our nationality is exhausting.
6. You can’t ask a woman if she wants a poke without getting punched in the face.
7. You’re sad that you don’t get to see the violumpet man who sits outside Castlecourt.
8. When you say ‘Now on the UTV’ before Coronation Street, your friends don’t have a baldy what you’re on about.
9. They think we live in a warzone.
10. You naturally gravitate towards other Northern Irish Students.
11. And then it turns out that you know each other or you’re related.
12. They assume we eat nothing but potatoes. Which is only half true.
13. They expect us to drink unreasonable amounts of alcohol. Which we only do half the time.
14. You can’t get a Sukie when you’re hungover.
15. Your accent starts to go weird.
16. The fact that it’s not raining all the time makes you feel uneasy, so you sit in the shower to feel more at home.
17. They think we’re deprived because we don’t have Pret. Well, guess what losers? YOU DON’T HAVE BOOJUM.
18. But there is no Boojum on the mainland.
19. A pastie is not the same thing as it is back home.
20. No – we don’t know and have not met Jamie Dornan.
21. Or Snow Patrol.
22. Or Liam Neeson. So please stop repeating his Taken monologue to me.
23. You don’t get half days at uni because of bomb scares.
24. And the English breakfast has nothing on an Ulster fry.
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