Visiting Liverpool is one thing…
But going to university there is something else altogether. After about a month of living in Liverpool, you realise that this isn’t just another English city, it’s another planet.
A planet where females with black slugs for eyebrows, roam the streets with rollers in their hair. A planet where football is a nationally worshipped religion. And of course, it’s a planet which is home to the almighty Raz.
To be honest, it’s a proper boss planet to live on and you get used to the ‘unique’ way of life pretty quickly. But it’s only once you’re familiar with these 20 things, that you can transform from a wool into a fully-fledged honorary Scouser.
1. There are only two questions that really matter, and they serve to define you as a person. Red or blue?
2. Harold Cohen or Sydney Jones?
3. You will no longer be called by the name that you were given and appears on your birth certificate. James becomes Ourjames.
4. The only meeting point for any occasion is the Bombed Out Church. It’s the centre of the universe.
5. You only know where things are in relation to the Superlambananas. And you don’t find the word Superlambanana fun to say anymore.
6. “Sozabarme last night.” “Don’t worry about it.”
7.Your first journey on the 699 midnight bus went a bit like this.
8. You can find out everything you need to know about a person simply by asking them which floor they prefer in Krazyhouse.
9.You’re sick of looking at cast members from Hollyoaks. They’re everywhere.
10. You’ve done the Smithdown ten. (Which is not a sex thing, FYI).
11. Home Bargains? No, sorry. We don’t have that in Liverpool. It’s HomeANDBargains, mate.
12.Â Bins, webs, bills = glasses, shoes, pants
13. ‘Sarah’s having a house party tonight.’ ‘Oh cool. Where does she live?’ ‘Kenny.’ *puts on bulletproof vest*
14. After a night of poisoning your liver with Fat Frogs in the Raz on a Monday, you return home drenched in sweat that could conceivably belong to you, someone else, or the walls in the place.
15. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of after 2 am in Bumper.
16. Creamfields is more important than Christmas.
17. Bevvy of choice? Quadvodnredbull.
18. This is the ultimate conspiracy theory.
19. Toilet graffiti is poignant. It’s almost poetic. I’m emotional.
20. That’s proper wool behaviour.