video batman kid graduation

With more graduates than ever before entering the job market year on year, degree classifications have never been so important.

And I’m guessing that’s EXACTLY what you want to hear, as you’re right in the middle of uni stress.

Please stop crying. We didn’t mean to upset you. In fact, we’ve actually got some good news…

Did you know that it’s not just just strange hobbit people with giant brains and odd mature students who get firsts at university?

That’s right, REAL people can get a first… if they want one. So, do you want a first? You do?! Great. All you have to do is pick up these 12 habits of students that get a first and then you’ll be set to graduate with glory and become president of the universe.*

(*We should mention that we will take no responsiblity if you adopt these habits and still don’t get a first. It’s probably because you didn’t work hard enough. Because, let’s face it – you’re reading this now when you definitely should be studying. Soz.)

1. They don’t play mind games with themselves like lunatics

Hands up if you’ve ever rewarded yourself for revising by taking a hard earned nap? Or have you ever spent 30 minutes extra in bed and told yourself you’ll make up for it later that evening. Who are you trying to trick? It’s your own damn brain. Give it up.

2. They start with the most difficult task first

Students who get firsts DO NOT  waste time making folders on their desktops and trying to pretend to themselves that this is actually useful. They open a word document and they start writing. And by writing I don’t mean typing their name at the top of the page and staring at it for an hour.

3. They use highlighters properly

4. They don’t freak out and cry

They don’t punch walls, scream at their parents like toddlers, turn to vodka in a crisis or start creating an elaborate life plan that doesn’t involve a degree. They do the work and squash the panic to the back of their brains.

5. They sleep

And when I say sleep I don’t mean nap. They go to bed at a reasonable hour. And when I say go to bed at a reasonable hour, I do not mean get into bed and spend two hours looking at various Kardashians/Jenners on Instagram until they pass out with their phones on their faces.

kim kardashian keeping up with the kardashians kardashian

6. When they say ‘one more episode’ they mean it.

Successful students don’t wait until the ‘are you still watching?’ notification pops up on Netflix. That’s Netflix’s way of asking if you’re still alive or just slipped into a laziness induced coma. if Netflix is worried about you, then YOU should be worried about YOU

7. They don’t use caffeine to solve problems

CraveTV coffee 30 rock tina fey tired

8. They go to lectures

And not just to make up the 60% attendance that is required to actually remain on the degree course.

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9. They ask for help when they need it

They don’t sit in the back row and draw pictures on their notepads. They don’t turn around and run away when they see a lecturer in the corridor and they actually attend their one-to-one meetings. Crazy, I know.

via @amanda.san on Instagram

10. They use the library in the way that it’s supposed to be used.

11. Their internet history doesn’t look like this

12. They study subjects that they actually enjoy

Because learning is fun. (if you have no other joy in your life.)

The Simpsons bart simpson lisa simpson season 16 episode 15

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